He’s starting to feel it. He hasn’t been able to breathe deeply for some weeks (too uncomfortable) so he’s been shallow breathing but now he can feel the enlarged spleen all the time and it’s making him feel uncomfortable. It’s also a constant reminder that something is happening. But we don’t know quite what. Is the cancer on the march or has the spleen simply reached the point where it’s making its discomfort felt?
It feels like this is happening the wrong way round. Husband has always been strong and has always really enjoyed life. I have always been a bit useless with illness and depression.
Mother pointed out that this way I can help him, look after him – otherwise he’d be facing this alone and that would be hideous. It’s still hideous.
Death is terrifying even for those of us who have faith. I can’t imagine what it must be like to those who have no faith, whose best hope is nothingness.