A Grown Up Conversation

posted in: Cancer 0

Husband saw something on TV about home versus hospice care for the terminally ill. A woman was explaining that she wanted to go to a hospice so that her family wouldn’t have the memory of her dying at home. He asked how I felt about it. It’s not about me! I responded that I assumed he’d want to be at home if possible with home care or whatever they call it when necessary. I’ll do what’s best for him. He seemed relieved and said he does want to be at home if possible. How brave for him to talk about it but I suppose also how necessary. We have to have these conversations so I guess it’s best to have them now while those decisions are hopefully a good way off.

Right now Husband is focusing on doing what the doctors tell him and getting on with life as best he can. He decided to give the dog a good walk before chemo tomorrow. He never quite knows how it’s going to affect him. In hindsight he can now see that on day 1 of having both Bendamustine and Rituximab he did have a reaction. He felt shivery that night and had a bit of a temperature. We’re hoping that it will be easier as time goes on and the body adjusts but with RCVP the effects were cumulative – as time went on he had more nausea. There’s so much uncertainty.

The ‘eczema’ seems to be resolving but it’s difficult to know. He’s convinced that the paraproteins must be going down because his legs feel different. His resting heart rate is also back in the 60s (it was in the 80s).

He had a little nosebleed, the first in 10 days or so. It was short but I think he’s disappointed. I notice that he’s often a bit breathless when walking the dog or working in the garden but he’s able to be more active than he was during RCVP, which pleases him. He’s very good at making the most of life and continues to refer to chemo as his gardening leave.

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