We’re waiting. That’s tougher than it sounds. I’m not sure if this is the calm before or after this particular storm. Either way the current calm is unnerving. Nothing is happening. But the storm is out there.
Things have been dramatically scary at times, which has instinctively made me focus on God – life has just been way too far beyond me for me to pretend that I can cope. When my eyes are on God everything else is manageable, when I get distracted or pull away, I sink – a bit like Peter. He started to walk on water towards Christ’s outstretched hand but then the wind frightened him (he was a professional fisherman – he knew what it could do) and he panicked:
‘Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”’ (Matthew 21: 30-31)
I love the ‘immediately’ – Jesus doesn’t leave us sinking, telling us we brought it on ourselves – if we really ask for his help he gives it immediately. I have found this time and time again, particularly in recent months when so often I’ve felt I was drowning.
The problem is that all the mundane bits of busyness get in the way, particularly when I feel behind in work and they pull me away from time praying and reading the Bible. The less time I spend thinking about God the more off track I get and the less well I cope with things.