Contemplating Mortality & How We’re the Lucky Ones

posted in: Cancer 0

Much of the time Husband doesn’t think about the cancer. He jokes that I do that for him and in a sense that’s very true. He popped in looking thoughtful. “Should I order a 12 month supply of contact lenses? It’s cheaper but will I need that many?” My heart breaks when he has to think like this. I just replied that none of us know how long we’ve got but with what the docs are telling us I can’t conceive he won’t get through a 12 month supply of lenses. He just quietly said thank you and walked off to order them.

Life goes so much faster than we expect. When we’re young it seems too stretch out almost endlessly. We work hard for years, waiting for ‘the good bit’, when it all comes together. Except it doesn’t necessarily. This IS the good bit.

In no way am I minimising what is a tough situation but I know that he too is conscious that we are the lucky ones. We still have some time. We have a very reasonable hope that this treatment will knock the cancer back for a while and we have hope for treatment when it comes back.

While we have non cancer related problems like everyone else (and they often have more of an impact on our lives than the cancer does) we are very lucky. We don’t have small children to worry about and try to explain the cancer to. We don’t have immediate financial pressure. That is such a huge blessing. We live in the UK so we don’t have to panic about whether or not we can afford chemo. That is incredible. Even as we face an incurable cancer we are some of the most fortunate people on the planet. We have food, a home, our own bathroom and safe water.

We don’t have to look far to see younger people facing more aggressive cancers. They may be cured, something Husband can’t hope for. They may not.

If we contemplate the retirement we worked for but won’t really have then we won’t feel very fortunate but right now we really are among the lucky ones.

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