Husband feels pretty good at the moment. He certainly doesn’t ‘feel’ as if he has cancer. Of course you can’t necessarily feel it. That is both a blessing and a curse – you can have nasty surprises after blood tests but you can also have good ones.
In the early days we tried to be realistic in our hopes for remission, now our default is to expect less than than the docs say we can hope for. It would somehow feel disrespectful, wrong to be too blasé about remission. It’s not guaranteed. It’s a gift. I thank God daily for Husband’s remission and while our days are taken up with daily work things (perhaps more than they should be), we don’t take one day of remission for granted.
The blood results are encouraging. If it weren’t for the .4 rise in proteins we’d be really happy. Those blasted proteins…
One of our neighbours has a different form of long term cancer. Husband mentioned quite casually to him that he’s not expecting this remission to last that long. In theory it could be 3 years, even 5, but he’s expecting less. Perhaps he’s setting his sights low to avoid disappointment (as he’s had previously, particularly after the splenectomy). I think that largely it’s because he’s so immensely practical.
I think he’s very conscious of having two cancers, feeling that there’s something maybe wrong on the genetic level, that the bone marrow keeps producing wonky cells. I have similar misgivings for him but hope and pray for a better outcome for him. Most of all I pray that he’ll come to have peace with God. It’s all that matters ultimately.
This wretched cancer doesn’t seem real sometimes. It still seems like a recurring nightmare and then we wake up and he’s in remission. Except that this is really happening.
Today we went to the cinema, something we couldn’t do when Husband was on chemo. It felt so good to be out, to be sharing something fun. Being in a room with people relaxing and laughing was just what we needed. It felt like being in a cancer-free bubble, just for a while.