Not quite a routine appointment

posted in: Cancer, Cancer and faith 0

Things got a bit crappier today.

We went to the hospital for what we thought would be a routine appointment. I really must learn that no such thing exists when it comes to cancer. We assumed that things would be pretty stable. The red cell count was down from 10.7 to 10.2. Dr Inscrutable wasn’t smiling. He reminded us that it’s the trend that matters not just the numbers: “If the count is down next time it’ll be worrying, if it’s stable it’ll be good.”

I’m fed up being told how slowly this thing moves. It can move a lot faster than I’d like. I’d hoped for a good remission, I’m angry at the cancer for possibly having reared its ugly head so soon.

Dr Inscrutable looked me in the eye as if he could read my thoughts “There’s no evidence of lymphoma at the moment” – no sweats or apparent lymph node swelling from the physical exam.

If the bloods are down next time it will mean a CT scan and possibly a bone marrow test – just short of a year after the last lot. It’s been a horrible year.

Husband looked gutted but clearly didn’t want to focus on the possible bad. We might get good news next time. We might not.

I really want to cry but he needs me not to do that. I daren’t think too much about it at night either because I need to sleep.

God’s got this. He knows what we need – we just may lack the wisdom to want it!

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